Tuesday, December 11, 2007

I HATE PETER IN ANCIENT MESOAMERICA

Oh, Peter, you thought I forgot about you since I hadn't posted in a few months. I have not. I have not, my friend.

I hate you. I hate you and your damn recipes. Why, Peter? Why did you have to invent the taco? I realize that the contemporary taco recipe is not nearly the same as the original conception, but your plan to fold meat and vegetable inside a corn or flour tortilla was the genesis of this whole taco fiasco. It might have started as a humble snack after a hard day of field labor. But now it passes itself off as building blocks for a delicious fifth meal. And I continue to eat that fifth meal, Peter. I'm ashamed to say that you've hooked me. When it comes to the taco, the burrito, the taquito, the quesadilla, the pupusa - the whole enchilada - I can't control myself. I ingest the cheesy, salty, spicy goodness by the fistful. I recently determined I have donated at least ten percent of my income over the past seven years to your cause sabroso. At this point I should be granted honorary stock in Taco Bell, Del Taco, El Pollo Loco and every taco stand or truck across Southern California in the same way that Bill Cosby or Jerry Seinfeld received honorary doctorates. You owe me at least that, Peter. You have made me fat, lazy and explosively gassy.

I hate you, Peter. I always will.

-Lard Ass in Los Feliz