I HATE PETER IN THE CORNER OFFICE WITH A VIEW

I hate you, Peter.

You sit in your office all day and you don't do shit. That Ph.D. didn't get you anywhere- it only taught you that thinking is somehow equivalent to working. That's why I prefer to call it "getting shit done." Are you solving the world's problems in there? Better hire someone to write while you dictate, otherwise it will never be passed down and we will never understand the depth of your profound arguments. But I forgot- we are incompetent. We wouldn't understand anyway.

That must be why your emails are so long - because we aren't smart enough to understand concision. One must need a Ph.D. to understand exactly how fucking smart you really are. You are so goddamn smart that you take credit for all of our work and give us a "Thanks!" email with a smily face it in. However did you practice your manipulative techniques before email? Whatever would you have done without CC: and BCC:? You get so much work done that way!

Peter, one day I'm going to walk smiley-faced into your office and tell you about the new job I have. I'm going to thank you for the opportunity I had to learn so much from doing all of your work. My face will be smiling but my brain will be saying "I hate you, Peter. Fuck you very much."

Shot out to my ladies cube-side that hate Peter, too.

Love/Hate,
Restless in Wisconsin