I HATE PETER WHO MADE ME HATE MYSELF

i hate you because everything is on your terms, you wouldn't even let me break up with you. It sounds silly, saying you wouldn't let me, but those were the words you used. You told me you weren't letting this happen. I have such little self-confidence that I can't even break up with you right.

I hate you because when I talk about my depression, which I have to have counselling and Prozac for, you basically told me I was lying, and I didn't have anything to be depressed about. And the thing is, I have all these things I want to say to you, but as soon as I try, the words don't come out right. I sound weak, and i don't always make sense, and I can't say what I need to. What I wanted to say to you was it is a number of shitty things in my life, and you don't make it any better. But i'm constantly worrying about you, that saying things like that might hurt your feelings, or you might take it the wrong way. It hurts when you tell me I'm lying about a condition that is so obvious to everyone else. Perhaps you're in denial, but I know you hear me crying at night, and I hate you for ignoring me.

I hate you for making me feel guilty about things that are your fault. Right now, I'm on my only weekend of for god know's how long, and you spent it with your friends. I asked you this mornign to come over, and you said you would, so I went out and bought food to cook for us. You said you'd call, and you didn't. I had to text you asking you when you were coming, and you said later. Then at almost midnight, you want me to come and meet you. When I said no, being the angry and pissed off girlfriend that I am right now, you told me to 'cheer up, I only wanted to talk to you. I don't want us to argue, I just wanted to see you.' What the fuck is that? What fucking right do you have to make me feel bad after planning a whole day for us when you just stood me up!?!? And yet again, it's my fucking fault for not being happy.

There are so many things I need to get off my chest, but I can't bring them up without depressing myself even further. I'd just like to say, I hate you the most because I love you, and I can't help it. No matter what you do I always come running back to you. I would go to the end of the earth for you, but you wouldn't do it for me. I hate you for not letting me go a long time ago, before I would have given my life for you - depressive headcase