I HATE PETER WHO COMPLETELY TURNED ON ME

Peter, I try and try to bring myself to hate you, but each day I find it increasingly difficult. I do know though, that you are both my favorite and least favorite person in the world. I can't say hate, because hate is the strongest word you can use against a person, and I really don't like hating people.

But I can't believe you would do that to me. You completely turned on me. And I don't know why. We were really good friends and we were every single teenage love song about having fun crammed into one amazing time.

One thing that will forever make me smile is the carnival. Finding out the fun way that you were afraid of heights and were able to hit scream octaves I didn't even know existed was one of the highlights of that day. Having you, your three friends, and me crammed into the tilt-a-whirl unable to move we were so cramped, laughing our heads off at the guy in front of us by himself in his car, spinning so fast due to the weight that I almost puked. On the haunted house, lighting up the ride with your cell phone and laughing at everything, but hitting that scream octave again when the Carnival Worker jumped out at us, and again, me laughing so hard with you as we hear your friends behind us screaming like losers. And then at the end of the night, my favorite part, I was leaving so you walked me to the parking lot and gave me a long hug in front of all your friends, and then like you had been doing all day, you texted me, this time to make sure I was safe at home, and then texting me all night long.

Your spontaneous texts that never failed to make me smile from ear to ear, you always wanting to hang out with me, but my heartbreaking having to reject you every single time because I was already busy. I was so upset about that.

Then, that night happened. I walked 3-4 miles in the rain to come see you, and we planned on "doing things" but I got scared at the last minute and couldn't do it. You held me and told me it was OK. You lied. That night, everything changed. While I was walking home, crying, some people tried to put me in their car. You don't know about this because I never told anyone, but they did. I got home at four in the morning, drenched, heartbroken, and a crying wreck, traumatized from that night's events.

You promised me you weren't going to tell your friends. You lied. You told all of them, and then some. You gave him my phone number, and he tortured me. You made my life miserable. I tried to be nice to you and keep it together, but you just met me with hate. I confronted you and asked you what I did, and you told me nothing, everything was okay. I believed you. You lied again. You constantly give me false hope, and constantly, you crush me. Why Peter? That's all I want to know. Why?

Now I pass you in the hallways and I can't even stand to be in the same room with you. I get terrified that you're going to do something to me. I can't look at you, for fear that you'll see what's really lying behind my eyes. That I desperately just want you back. I want my friend, the one who wasn't afraid to scream like a girl in front of me, hug me in front of his now demeaning friends, and text me to make sure I got home safe. I miss you so much.

But then I think back to what you did, and I think of myself as an idiot for wanting you back. I constantly cry over you, and I constantly wonder why I do. You were my friend once, but you turned on me and hurt me. You should be no more than a speck of dust in the corner to me. But you hurt me just by breathing the same air as me.

And that's why I strongly dislike you Peter. Because I am unable to move on from the past. I still have hope that we can be friends again, even though I know I'm just dreaming.

I miss you, but I have to let you go.

Goodbye Peter.

- Feeling Like A Sad Country Song