I HATE PETER IN ATLANTA, WHO I ONLY COMMUNICATE WITH OVER THE PHONE

OH Peter. I thought some of the people I worked with are stupid, but you... well you just take stupid to a level that I've never experienced. You make everyone I work with look like Greek philosophy students who sit around discussing the Allegory of the Cave. You, Peter, probably don't know the definition of allegory, of for that matter cave.

Here's the thing. I know we're in a partnership. I know we have to "work together." But just because I'm sharing tape with you does not mean I have to be the editorial and logistics information center for my company as well as yours. YOUR company doesn't pay me to know which group that politician was speaking to today and where that group's convention was located. YOUR company doesn't pay me to provide information, that if you were doing your job (which on paper is the exact same as mine) you would already know.

Unfortunately, Peter, your company also doesn't pay me to tell you four simple little words that really do solve many of life's work-related information problems. Those words are, "Just Fucking Google It." Just do it. Just google it.

I'm going to share a secret with you. I didn't know where that convention was taking place today either. I didn't magically have the knowledge. So you know what I did, instead of calling you Peter, and asking... I just fucking googled it. It took a couple of tries but I stumbled on to a city and a time and even a mission statement.

I'm not trying to say I'm smarter than you Peter, I'm just more resourceful. And, well smarter. Yes, I'm smarter than you.

I've asked around about you Peter. I've asked people, "How'd Peter get that job?" Know one seems to know. The whisper is you've already slept your way to the middle. I hope for your sake your looks aren't the first thing to go. Not that I know what you look like since I only speak to you on the phone. But since you are exceedingly stupid, you better damn well be like 8000 times more beautiful than I am.

Just know this Peter, if there is some way I can get you fired so that I never have to speak to you again. I'll figure it out. Watch your back Peter. Watch your back.

- Mercilessly Plotting Mayhem in Manhattan