I HATE PETER AT THE M BAR

Hey, Peter, how's it going? Hopefully not so well. Because I don't like you.

Oh, don't get me wrong. I think you're funny. We all think your funny. Come on, audience, don't we all think Peter is a funny stand-up? Peter is obviously the funniest person in not only the entire bar, but also the entire Earth - a word I only know because you explained it to me. Which brings me to my second point. We are all stupid. All of us in the audience. We are morons. You, Peter, you are the smart one. Keep on with the intelligent comedy. But if you're going to, make sure to explain every joke to us, so that we understand it. There is honestly no way, we could ever understand your jokes if you don't explain them to us. Otherwise how would we have known to be offended when you used the term "sloppy pussy" multiple times within a second. Wait, "second" is bigger than "minute," right? I'm confused. But thank you for telling us we were all offended when you referred to a woman at the bar who obviously had a "sloppy pussy." We didn't know we were supposed to cringe in horror at the phrase. I guess we've been to accustomed to it in our daily lives. Also, thanks for telling us what to think and when we should think it. Let me just double check with you though:

So, when you told a drunken older gay man at the bar that he "obviously wanted to come up and suck on your cock," we are not supposed to sit in stunned silence because you verbally attacked a stranger in a blatantly homophobic manner, we are actually supposed to laugh and agree that the "queen" would love to "taste your prick?" Actually now I'm confused, because then you told us not to act like "we had never heard the term's rim job and golden shower" even though none of us were groaning or saying, "too far."

Okay, can we start over? I want to figure out how stand up comedy works.
1) The comedian tells a joke.
2) Nobody reacts.
3) The comedian tells the audience they obviously aren't as smart as him.
4) The comedian says something shocking and sexually-related.
5) Nobody reacts.
6) The comedian tells the audience they shouldn't be so offended. He's just saying stuff they say everyday.
7) Nobody reacts.
8) The comedian verbally abuses bar patrons.
9) Nobody reacts.
10) The comedian tells everyone he's the headliner and he gets paid more for writing television shows then anyone else in the audience will ever see in their life.
11) Nobody reacts.
12) I walk out before the comedian finishes.

Is this how stand up comedy works? If so, I'm in. I love it! I wish I could see you ever night! And punch you in your "one brown hole."

Sincerely,
Har-Har'd Out in Hollywood