Peter, I see you every morning on the Metro train. You sit there in your power suit, with your checkered collared shirt and solid blue tie, carefully scrutinizing that bible-sized hardcover biography of that boring ex-presidential appointee like it's your job, with your rimless eyeglasses and your undeserved sense of propriety. You can't be more than 23, but you act like every glance, every "excuse me" and every human interaction at 7 am or 6 pm is the most painful event your important day has to offer. You've got important things to do in your stupid Capitol Hill job at your stupid Capitol Hill office. That's why you stand directly in front of the metro doors when they open, why you stand on the left of the escalator when everyone is trying to get by, why you push through people, why you stand so close I can feel your hot breath on the back of my neck, why you take the open seat when old women are waiting, and why, when I sit down next to you in the only open seat on the train, you shudder and shirk away as if I've got the bubonic plague. I wouldn't want to infect you with the normal gene. God, I hate you. I hate you in the depths of my soul.
You're important. I get that.
What I don't get is, if you're so God-damned important, why you have to commute 45 minutes both ways every day in the worst display of directionless ire I've ever seen? If it pains you that much to rub elbows with the masses your boss represents, get in your fucking Lexus and drive to work from your overpriced, 24-hour gym and your little box condo in northern Virginia.
Oh yeah, that's right. You can't afford a membership, can't afford a Lexus, can't afford a condo (yet) and can't afford that suit dad gave you for Christmas. You work on the Hill. God, Peter, I hate you. But not nearly as much as you must hate yourself. Stick it out, though ... just two more years and you'll be in Law school, and then back working on K street.
-Passive-aggressive in D.C.
p.s., I hate you, I hate you, I hate you. I wish you would die. I hate you.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment