Peter,
There is now a ringing sound in my ears. It never fades, it is always there. When I’m not thinking about it then I don’t hear it – but it is still there, I am just distracted. I can’t be sure exactly which loud noise or what abuse has caused it to be permanent, I can only guess at the sounds and vibrations that caused this discomfort, but I live with it now. Maybe I should have turned down the volume on my walkman, or not gone to so many nightclubs. I just wanted to be happy. But now my hearing is forever changed, I am forever needing to distract myself from the faint ringing that haunts every sound I will ever hear.
What you did is now a ringing pain in my heart. It never fades, it is always there. When I’m not thinking about it then I don’t feel it – but it is still there, I am just distracted. I can’t be sure exactly which fear or stress has caused it to be permanent, I can only guess at the mistakes and selfishness that caused this discomfort, but I live with it now. Maybe I should have toned down our relationship, or not been so supportive and selfless. I just wanted to be happy. But now my love is forever changed, I am forever needing to distract myself from the faint pain that haunts every love I will ever feel.
Peter. I tried to give you every opportunity and freedom so that we could be closer. And I am fighting the pangs of failure. How strong are we?
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2 comments:
I love what you wrote. Its like some kind of poetry and I think its amazing.
That was really beautiful. It makes so much sense to me, and my heart goes out to you. Hopefully the ringing is gone by this point though
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