I HATE PETER WHO I THOUGHT LOVED ME

Dear Peter, I gave just about everything to be with you. I did my very
best. You gave you my virginity, and I'm only fourteen. Because I
thought you loved me. And I wanted it to be special. But it wasn't.
Now I just wish I could burn the image of you over me out of my head.
I stand in scalding hot showers for hours at a futile attemt to scrub
and burn away what I did. What I let you do. I feel violated. I can
still feel you on me. I can taste your mouth. I can feel your hands. I
feel your hair brush my face. You manipulated me into loving you, and
you didn't love me back. I'll admit, maybe at the time it was special
to you. Maybe at the time you did care a little bit. But you don't
now, do you Peter ? Do you care that I was saving myself for the
person I wanted to spend the rest of my life with ? Do you realize
that from the moment I met you, I needed you ? When you held my hand
that one time, at church, I never wanted to let go. And a simple
gesture has never and will probably never again mean so much to me. I
miss you so. How could you like other girls ? And flirt with them ?
And how can you say you love me ? How can you just leave me when I'm
crying, broken, and alone ? I can't even talk to anyone about it. It's
all held up inside of me. Do you know how difficult it will be for me
to give myself to anyone else ? How hard it will be for me to move
on ? How it'll cut like a thousand knives when you're with another
girl ? Especially one whose prettier, older, and more experienced. One
you can be "physical" with, as you put it. One who can please you,
which you told me I couldn't. It was my first time ! I didn't know
what to do. And it hurt. But not more than what you're doing to me
now. I wish you would text me back, instead of not caring. You pinky
pacted that you always would. But that was just another manipulative
lie, wasn't it ? God, I love you so much Peter. But how could you ?

Forever and always,
NeverGoodEnough