I HATE PETER WHO KILLED MY SOUL

I hate you Peter, for slowly working to break down the walls I had built to keep myself from getting hurt. I hate you because of the way you made me fall in love with you and knew that I was hooked so you took advantage of it. I hate that you wasted my time with you trying to help you when no one else would. I hate you because you acted like you really cared about me, but secretly you plotted. I hate you Peter for stealing my money, for threatening me with harm. I hate you Peter because I was the victim in your battle with depression, BPD, Bi Polar Disorder, and many other yet to be diagnosed mental illnesses. I hate you Peter because of the time you came and tried to kick down my hotel room door, but called me back begging me to talk to you and I did. I hate you Peter for ignoring my calls to return my phone I had bought for you when you were using me still, and then when I showed up at your door, you slammed it in my face, ignored my pleas to just return my phone, and instead you CALLED THE COPS ON ME! ( The cops said you were shifty and obviously lying too). I hate you Peter for comforting me when I was very down, and telling me everything would be okay and you would be there for me...when you knew you wouldn't. I hate you for telling him that I had dumped you in the street when I had fed you for three days, put you up in my hotel room, filled your car with gas, gave you money for spending, and bought a steak dinner for you before giving you my cell phone to borrow and heading home. I hate you peter for taking your Aunt and her friends to my favorite restaurant and ignoring me that night ( you and I had reservations I had told you !). I hate you Peter for getting me to spend the time and money on fixing your old bosses house and furnace.....you got the credit for it, and I got stiffed with the bills. I hate you Peter for talking me into paying your rent for storage, at your old place and new....I hate you for using me to help you move, and getting me to rent the moving truck and fill it with gasoline, while you yelled at me all day long at the moving place. I hate you Peter for giving me a book about Crickets, reading me your BULLSHIT story and telling me that a cricket who is alone, will never sing, and then you left me alone. I hate you for stealing the yogurt from my refrigerator and leaving all of your food there, because I was very sick with antibiotics and needed the biosism . I hate you Peter for talking to me all the time like I was a piece of shit, and for telling lies about being with me to your family members, so they would think bad about me and help you shut me out. I hate you Peter for calling me and telling me you were now HIV positive and that I needed to be checked for other STD s after exposing me to all of them for 9 months while you f'd around with who knows who or what. I hate you Peter for making me sad, depressed, and crushed and for exploiting my abandonment fear I had shared with only you out of everyone in the world I could have.I hate you Peter for leaving me at the dinner table and with the food arriving while you went to the train station and tried to take the rail home. I hate you Peter for copying my personal information into your "logs" to use against them or me later on. I hate you Peter for loosing the stolen. I hate you Peter for trying to frame me , for taking over your online accounts when I did not accept those discounts nor did I accept those policies'.

Most of all Peter, I hate you because you always hated me, but used me to get what you wanted and cared about, and then burned me like a moth near a flame. I hate you for making me watch our sex tapes that we had planned to edit together and for making me listen to my songs for you that you may never ever hear.

I hate you Peter for not telling me your okay when that is all I really cared about..................are you?


The Loneliest Cricket