I HATE PETER WHO IS A MAN-STEALER

Dearest "Peter",

Hi there. Me again.

It seems that you're trying to go after Peter? Wow. Bitch alert. Get with the program, bitch. He. Is. MINE. He actually doesn't like you at all, no one else does either. Everyone hates you. Get that through your thick skull into your pea brain. WE HATE YOU. Just because your mummy is big and important and your daddy is insignificant but still scary, doesn't mean you're anything special.

Look, Peter. You tried to destroy my relationship with Peter. Seriously, you're just a complete and utter dick. You're just... A bad person. Like, all the way through to your core. The fuck is wrong with you? The entire fucking universe doesn't revolve around the holder of all things great, Peter. In fact, Peter, many people actually don't give a shit when you open your mouth.

Also, hit the gym or something. Your fat ass is NOT attractive. And I'm not one to say shit like that, because I AM curvy, and I DO have a larger ass, but not as... Massive as yours. Flabby too.

Look, Peter. Next time I'm talking to Peter, I'm going to bring you up. And we're going to laugh.
Laugh at you, and your attempts to stick your tongue down my man's throat. Please note that he jumped out of the way several times before you gave up. Typically, this means that he is NOT interested.
Laugh at YOUR laugh. The whole Kermit The Frog meets Train collision thing is not endearing. In that video that you took (after your filthy paws snatched MY camera out of my hands), your laugh in the backround made my dog whine and howl. That's right. Not even a DOG finds you appealing.

I know that me and Peter weren't even official yet when you made your first advance, but we both had MoreThanFriends feelings, and the least you could do is respect that. The least you could do is back the hell off. But noooo, it had to be your way, didn't it? And when you realized that you had crashed hard, you brought your friend along to try and entice him? WTF is that? Seriously bitch, you need better training in seduction.

I WOULD offer to do so, but... I fucking hate your guts. Yup. That's a preeeetty big roadblock here. I. Hate. You. Also, flip flops make you look literally retarded. And, you're friend is a complete and utter slut. Your boobs aren't better than anyone else's, darling!

It's over, Peter. Both me and Peter are done with you.

Good fucking Bye. Please go fall into a ditch now.

Love,

Angry and Way Better Looking Than You Anyways