I HATE PETER WHO FLIRTS WITH EVERYONE

Hey there, Peter,
You're supposed to be my best friend, right? Right! I actually enjoy you, and I'm glad we're friends. We always have SO much fun together, and we get each other so well. But, you know. You have, like, fucking double D boobs and you use them. A lot. Too much. Maybe I'm being jealous, but hey. You're honestly 4 ft. 11 in. of pure, slutty, flirtatiousness. Maybe you don't realize you're doing it, Peter. I know you had a bad past. I know your past probably influences your actions now, Peter, even though you got help. BUT SERIOUSLY GOD FUCK DAMN. Do you have to flirt with EVERYONE?! I know of one guy who likes you. Oh, and another. AND OH HEY another kid too! Plus all the other guys you always talk to that I've never met.

Um. I know you don't REALIZE you flirt. Actually, I want you to realize that you do because I fucking hate you when you flirt with everyone. I mean, it's bad enough that you get blessed with a tiny, petite body, DD's, and blonde hair. You're like every guy's dream, right? TOTALLY. And here I am, marginally... so much LESS in your shadow. Everyone always likes you. Always. When given the choice, they like you. You are naturally just... SOCIAL. You can walk up to everyone and talk to them. You have a loud voice. A pretty face. When you say something, people stop to hear it. When I say something, they either talk over me, go on to talking to you, or you interrupt with your goddamn loud trumpet voice. YOU ALWAYS INTERRUPT ME. Always. ESPECIALLY WHEN WE ARE WITH GUYS. You KNOW that I liked him. You KNOW how happy I get when I talk to him. You KNOW how fucking SHY I am, and how hard it is for me to talk to people. So why do you feel the need to talk over me? And, more importantly, why do you feel the need to talk FOR me? Sure, we're best friends, but you don't know EXACTLY how I feel. You don't LIVE with the FUCKING THOUGHTS IN MY HEAD, therefore, you have no license to pretend that you do. You can't tell people how I feel, because you don't know. Speaking of things you don't know, you don't know what it's like to live in my house, so just shut the fuck up about it. Seriously. Yeah. Your home life sucks. But hey, mine has it's moments. Completely fucking horrible moments.

But, most importantly... I like HIM. A lot. He is literally the closest I've ever come to a boyfriend. And you are just going to fuck EVERYTHING UP if you keep flirting with him. Please, just back the fuck off. Please. Please, please, please, please, please, PLEASE. I can't describe to you how much this fucking frustrates me, Peter. And it's not just me. All our other friends know that you flirt. Hell, you even stole a guy from one of our friends. And then stomped on his heart. Like, seriously!? You FLIRT with them, and then are ASTONISHED when they like you. Stop. Stop. And stop hurting them. Guys have feelings. I have feelings. You just need to STOP.

Begrudgingly yours,
Your Unflirty, Frumpy, Frustrated Best Friend.