I HATE PETER WHO CAN STOP HITTING ON ME

Dear Peter,


REASONS YOU CAN STOP HITTING ON ME:


1. I’m too old for you. You’re too young for me. Honestly, I’d be embarrassed to tell all my friends about you.

2. With age, comes maturity. Therefore, I’m more mature than you, which makes this hypothetical relationship impossible to maintain for more than one make-out sesh.

3. You’re glass is half-empty; my glass is half-full. I’m a positive person; you get bummed out easily. Actually, my glass is about ¾ full, since you’re the one working at McDonalds. (I guess that one’s not your fault)

4. You’re so closed-minded sometimes. You only listen to “good” music and hate speaking French. I know what “good” music is, and while John Lennon was a genius, if you widen your horizons you’ll hear so much more “good” music! (GOOD MUSIC DOESN’T ONLY COME FROM BRITAIN)

5. You’re religious (it seems). I’m just trying to figure everything out, but I’m pretty sure I don’t believe in God. You go to church every Sunday; I go to church every decade.

6. You’re such a badboy – but not. You are always late and don’t care, but you soooo don’t have a badass attitude. Trust me.

7. You can be kind of mean. Nobody likes you because you’re a jerk, yet, you know it.

8. You don’t try. You don’t stick it out until the end. You get frustrated - you give up. Why won’t you just give up on me?

9. I’m trying not to fall for you. If you keep hitting on me, it might work just this once. I feel bad too, but we’re heading in different directions.


I don’t hate you. I just hate this.



Platonically yours,


Cougar in California