I HATE PETER WHO WAS NEVER VERY NICE TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE

Peter, peter, peter. you were never very nice to me in the first place, were you? I think i started liking you, because you gave me free shit.
Yeah, I admit - I did use you. Sort of.
But then things became different, they became real. And I liked you. I liked you a whole hell of a lot! I finally got the nerve to tell you - after 4 months - and you told me you felt the same way. We lived happily ever after.

for three weeks.

We treated eachother with respect. For the three whole weeks. We hung out a lot more often. For three whole weeks. I told you everything. For three whole weeks. I was even goign to tell you something not anyone knows about me - LOL, WHAT THE FUCK WAS I THNKING? For three whole weeks, every song i heard on the radio made me think of you.
You really don't know how much i risked for you. My friends hated me for talking to you. I lied to my mom, my dad, and several of my friends.
I creeped your facebook, and I realized you seemed to be really close with the female of the peters. The female peter who had fucked my ex boyfriend when i was away on vacatio in NYC last year. It angered me, oh god, did it ever. But I decided you were trustable, and that you weren't flirting with her behind my back. I realize all of this seemed unethical, partly because the two of us weren't REALLY together, but we were close... so close.

My parents decided to take a vacation to some nice warm place! HOLLAAAA. You were the first person I told. You told me you would miss me. That you'd basically be dead while I was gone. Lies. Lies lies lies. Honestly, i was really uneasy about leaving the country for a week and leaving you behind with the female version of peter. You two had been hanging out really often... But I toughed it out, and decided I'd have one hell of a time in our vacation destination anyways. AND THAT I DID.

While I was there, I met a guy. A guy who treated me with respect all day, evey day. He gave me flowers. Kisses on the hand, the cheeks. He never once tried anything with me, and I was actually the one to make the first move. I tell y'gardeners in Cuba have so much more personality and heart than college students. fuck. For the whole week, i forgot about you. It was such a good week. But then I had to leave. I had to leave behind the guy I had met, and I had to leave behidn the warm climate and palm trees - for you.

When I got back, I checked my phone. 5 new texts from you.
1. I miss you!
2. I know you wont get these until you get back, but i miss you. so much.
3. Just 3 more days!
4. When you get back, I want to hear all of your stories. Every single one. Miss you.
5. I hear you got back in Canada an hour ago. why didnt you text me?

I knew then that I had nothign to be worried about. you weren't goign to hook up with anyone else while I was gone.
HAH.
I texted you back, and you were different. Awkward. Shy. I asked you what was up, and you told me you didnt want to tell me, because I'd get mad. I pried it out of you. You kissed the female version of peter. I wasn't mad. Not at all. I had kissed a nice Cuban boy. So what? Oh, no. You didnt just kiss her. you FUCKED her. I was obviously furious. You told me my reaction was pathetic. yes, you called me pathetic. You know you're a man, when?

We tried to get our shit back together, piece together what fell apart. We tried several times. I tried so hard for you, peter. All you did was obsess about how she had gone off and fucked several other guys. it's a thing called karma, peter. Ever heard of it? I got fed up with you and your whining about that girl. It made me upset that you had the nerve to talk about her TO ME. OF ALL PEOPLE. ME? have you got no consideration for my feelings? You're a selfish fuck, you know that?

So I snapped one day. I told you off. I todl you exactly what i thought about you. How you have bad skin, I can do better, You're a skeezbag and nothing but a jerk who guts on highschool girls because you can't get any your own age. And it's true. You kept denying it, but come on. I knew you knew it was all true. Every word I said, WAS TRUE. You replied, telling me I wasn't that great of a person either. And why would you think that? because I wouldnt put out for you. No. I have morals. I have values. I have a fucking brain, unlike the female version of you, peter. I have self respect. We stopped talking right after that. For a whole month.

Then lastnight, I went to a party. I didn't think of you once that night. I was downing coolers like I was a camel who hadnt drank water for half a year. And damn it felt good. It felt good to laugh again, to REALLY laugh. Not a stupid forced, fake laugh like I always did around you. it felt good to be around REAL friends. people who like me for me. Not what I look like, how small I am, but because I AM ME. Then my friend stole my phone from my pocket, and texted you. And told you off.

trust me babe, I'm not the only one who is pissed off. Honestly, I think you hurt my friends more than you hurt me. My friend texted you two full pages of hate. Telling you, that you're disgusting. How you need to get your shit together. You texted back. Surprisingly. I was drunk. I texted you back. We made up. I regret it.

The next day I texted you and apologized for the obnoxious drunken texts. You wanted to talk aftr you got off work. I agreed. WHY did I agree? Part of me feels bad for you. the other part of me wants to still be friends. but I know I cant be your friend without gaining feelings for you - again. So, Peter.
I'm sorry.

I'm sorry you're disgusting, unclean, not able to get a REAL girlfriend without fucking things up. I'm sorry my mum called you a pedophile to your face. I apologize for texting you lastnight. If I was in the right state of mind, I wouldn't have.

you're gross.
Sincerely,
the only person who ever saw the good in you.