I HATE PETER WHO MADE ME BELIEVE WE'D LAST

i hate you peter for making me believe we'd last. i hate you peter for telling me you'd change time after time just to go back to hurting me. i hate you peter for not letting me have my own life. i hate you peter for controlling everything i did. i hate you peter for trying to turn me against everyone. i hate you peter for letting me believe you were normal. i hate you peter for exploding at me when i was without you, even if i wanted to be with you. i hate you peter for exploding at me when i was without you, even if i was having a good time. i hate you peter for making me show you every side of me. i hate you peter for making me trust you with every secret i thought i'd never tell. i hate you peter for making me feel comfortable with you. i hate you peter for making me love you, for making me take you back everytime i said i was done. i hate you peter for constantly texting and calling and manipulating me. i hate you peter for making me not believe in love anymore. i hate you peter for giving me everything i ever wanted with everything i hated. i hate you peter for being perfect and horrible. i hate you peter for making me happier than anyone else ever has then hurting me more than anyone else ever has, combined and multiplied by a thousand. i hate you peter for making me cry everyday, everynight. i hate you peter for making the couch smell like you. i hate you peter for making any new relationships impossible. i hate you peter for damaging me, scarring me, ruining me. i hate you peter for every horrible name you've ever called me that i didn't deserve. i hate you peter for telling me i was a bad person for defending myself. i hate you peter for making me believe your lies. i hate you peter for taking advantage of me. i hate you peter for making me alone. i hate you peter for not getting better. i hate you peter for having constant reminders of you everywhere i go. i hate you peter because i can't throw everything away. i hate you peter for still wanting it to work out. i hate you peter for having to move on because it never will. i hate you peter because now i have no one to turn to. i hate you peter for making me trust no one. i hate you peter for telling me you loved my best friend just to hurt me. i hate you peter for coming over when i told you no. i hate you peter for never listening to 'no'. i hate you peter for making me give in to everything you wanted to do, even when it went against what i wanted or thought was right. i hate you peter for taking my virginity the wrong way. i hate you peter for making me hate you. i hate you peter because i can't hate you as much as i know i should. i hate you peter because even though everyone around me, and i know you've fucked me over too many times to forgive, i'd forgive you. i hate you peter for making this hard on me. i hate you peter because i'm letting go, and it hurts so badly. i hate you peter because you're not getting better, and we're not getting better, and forever was a lie. i hate you peter for telling me how everything would be okay in the end. i hate you peter for breaking me. i hate you peter, because i can't fucking hate you at all.

-- sincerely, giving up hope